So at one time or another some of us have found ourselves living in apartment blocks…i know some of you think an apartment is the pricey upmarket building blocks that a majority of us cannot afford. Well, that is not entirely true. Let us look at the definition of the word apartment from thefreedictionary.com. An apartment is a room or suite of rooms designed as a residence and generally located in a building occupied by more than one household.
Now that we got that one cleared out let’s move on
Correct me if I’m wrong, the human growth cycle revolves around being born >school going years > adult hood (this is when you get a job and move out of home)> middle age >old age and so on and so forth.
When we are at the adulthood stage we realize we can’t live at home mostly due to the nature of our “extra curriculum” (am sure you know what I mean by that) activities. So most of us pack our belongings as little as they are at that particular time, look for a servant’s quarter and start the “all independent” lifestyle. As time go by we get tired of living in an SQ could be because there is no distinction between the living room, the kitchen and the bedroom or now we have managed to save some cash or better still gotten better jobs we feel it’s about time we get the sofa set we’ve been eyeing for a while so the next move is to an apartment or flats as we call them here in Kenya.
There is always something good, bad, disgusting, or illegal going on in these apartments. It doesn’t matter if the person responsible Is the upstairs or downstairs neighbor, the watchman or the caretaker.
I have managed to classify some of the inhabitants of these apartment buildings;
There are the loafers: – those who have an apartment but somebody else- like Mom & Dad or clande paying for it
The crashers: – those that has no apartment and mooched for a place to “crash” for the night.
King Julien (The party animal) – These are usually the loud ones every day at any time of the day, or night for that matter is a party time. Most of the time this group lives in a pack of two to four people in the house.
The racketeers: – There is always some type of noise coming from this lot it could be they decided to walk around their house like the giant in jack and the beanstalk storybook- which is very annoying if you are living in the house below them, or the baby crying, or they simply have visitors who have decided to share their stories not forgetting laughter with the entire neighborhood.
The horticulturist: – everybody knows this chic she has at least three pot plants and they are at least 4′ tall. These potted plants would be everywhere in the house, balcony at the door on the stair landing etc.
The motor head: – the one that is always wrenching on his muscle car- mostly a Subaru. Thinks he deserves the best parking lot and would actually wake people up to move their cars from his spot.
The Casanova: – who thinks he is God’s gift to women. There Is always a bevy of babes going in and out that door, funny thing is they all know they are being played but no one seems to bother.
The nosy one: – this spot is usually taken by the watchman or the caretaker of the building. They know everyone and everything about them. What time the guy in house 2a wakes up, what time he leaves and have you noticed recently he’s been hanging out with the chic in house 3b?
A certain guy’s girlfriend flew out of the country to go visit a sister for 2 months and the guy decided to indulge in some chips funga affairs. Two months later, when the chic came back she met the watchman at the gate and he was so helpful to volunteer some unsolicited info he went like, “heeee na siku hizi siunatokaga kwa nyumba mapema!! Mpaka nilikua nashangaa Kama ni kazi umepata kwingine nini kwasababu ata siku hizi nakuona na uniform ya Kenya Airways”. Granted that info might have been given out without malice but then again aiiiiii!!!!
This list is just but a few that I could come up with. We all have our funny and horror stories of living in these apartments but that is story for another day.